Wrote this while I was listening to “Cancer” by Twenty One Pilots. I suck at summaries so I’ll just let you guys read this for yourself. Enjoy :D
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You felt weak, tired, and ready. You knew for a while this couldn’t be fixed and the only regret was not telling Newt earlier. Newt, your too-kind-for-the-world, creature loving, pure hearted, awkward-but-so-knowledgeable, amazingly beautiful best friend and boyfriend. Together since you met on the train to a new beginning at Hogwarts and the magical world and now it was the end of your little but amazing adventure. You felt weak and tired. You wished you weren’t such a coward to wait until a month before the fated date to tell him about the monster growing in your body. This parasite was tearing you from this precious boy’s side and you couldn’t stop it. No one could, no Muggle doctor or Wizard. You were dying and you felt weak.
“Y/n? Is it hurting? Do you need water?” The fiery haired boy next to you franticly looked around for whatever he thought you needed and you couldn’t help the smile curling your thinning lips.
Grabbing his hands still, you stare into his bright hazel eyes, never tired of the vast colors clouded by well hidden distress, sadness, and fear. “I’m fine, Newt.” Your throat was constantly scratchy and it took a lot to even talk, a sign your body was losing the fight. He nodded and just stared at you like you were his whole world, something he couldn’t live without. But he would have to. “Newt, promise me you won’t shut yourself away from the world. Don’t stop living because of me. Promise me, sweetheart.”
He shook his head like he didn’t want to hear her words. “I c-can’t do th-that, Y/n.”
“Please, Newt. I love you and you have made my life so bright. Find someone you can love just as we loved each other, find someone who will bring color into your life just as you did to me.” You begged him in low whispers and you felt so tired.
“You brought color into my life, Y/n. I’ll never find someone like you.”
Your shaking thin hand reaches up and cards through his ever soft and fluffy mess of hair, smiling painfully as he immediately closes his eyes and curls closer to your cold hands, kissing your palm with trembling breaths. “You will, Newt. Because you are kind, wonderful, and stunning in every way.”
“I d-don’t w-want to. P-please.” The tears rolling down his cheek broke your heart but you felt the end coming closer and closer.
“I love you, Newt. Be happy. For me. Promise me that, Newt. Don’t stop yourself from loving. Keep living. Promise me.” You insist when the nurse comes for the end of visiting hours.
You could see the discord in his heart but he nods, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I love you, Y/n. I promise I’ll keep living even when you–” he choked back a sob, words failing him.
Bringing him into a hug, you relish in the last bit of heat you can gather from the boy who stole your heart. There was a feeling in your chest that would be the last you would gain. “You’ll be fine, Newt. I believe in you and I love you. Now go before the Headmaster comes and drags you out.”
“I love you. I love you. I love you” he mumbled into your forehead before leaving, not taking his eyes off of you until the door shut.
“Who is she?” Newt looked up from sorting the nuts at Queenie’s voice. Her voice always seemed like light glistening bubbles like how she sounded when she–he cut that thought off before he could dive into something he tried to avoid.
“Who?”
“The girl in the picture.” his eyes gravitated to the picture frame in her delicate hands but his eyes didn’t see the young lady in the front but something hidden deeper.
“No one.” He forced his mind not to think of the one who took the color from his world.
“Leta Lestrange?” He paused at her name. The woman used the bleeding hole in his heart to her advantage, weaseling herself past his already crumbled defenses for her own purposes. It wasn’t until she almost took away the last remaining sign that she was really a part of his life and he was expelled for ‘releasing a magical beast and endangering students’. “I heard of that family. Are they a little–” Newt glanced up at the unsure shrug but glad she didn’t get past his deepest barriers.
“Please stop reading my mind.”
“Oh, sorry.” He could hear her walking closer and the prodding in his mind.
“Please stop it.” He slightly slammed the nuts into the bowl with slight frustration.
“I can’t help it.” He sighed a bit because he knew she couldn’t help it. She was like that as well, always leaning against him for attention even when she swore she didn’t do anything of the sort. “It seems like a really close relationship you had with her.”
“We were both different from everyone else.”
“That’s sweet. Does she still like books?” Of all the things she commented on, it was the only thing he really appreciated.
But she still used him and he let her. “I’m not really sure what she likes anymore.”
“She was a taker.” And didn’t he know it. “You need a giver.” He paused and he could only think one thing, a thought he couldn’t hide. I lost my giver. He couldn’t bear the weight of the stunned empathetic broken heart in her eyes and he went back to his task.
“What are you guys talking about?” Tina, oh Tina. Ambitious, smart, caring Tina. Maybe this was what she was telling him the day his heart broke but he was so afraid.
“N-nothing.”
“School.” Queenie saved with her casual white lie. He let the change in subject take his mind but his heart still reached for someone who was no longer there.
Looking up at the towering castle, a solemn smile on his face as he remembered all little happenings in his adventure here. Walking through the empty halls, he could practically feel her next to him, hear her babbling about a story she just dreamed of or a scene only she could see. “This was a bad idea.” He whispered to no one as he could feel his healing heart threatening to crack with every step. He really wanted everything to work out with Tina but he was scared. “I shouldn’t be here.”
“Newt?” He thought he was delusional, denying the voice he knew by heart, the sound of his name just the way he imagined he would hear forever. “Newt, please don’t cry, sweetheart.” He felt a chill against his cheek, making him shiver and finally look up.
There floating slightly above him was the young girl he wanted his whole life with, the young girl who have him the will to live. “Y/n?” His voice cracked with the name he hadn’t muttered in years, the name he cried for the night its owner was lost. She looked exactly the same as she was before she told him the news. Her hair in soft curls, her soft features crinkled in worry and concern, her cute button nose scrunched up as she grew frustrated and sad by his tears.
“Please, sweetheart. If you keep crying, I’ll cry and I don’t even know if ghosts can cry.” That was the only thing reminding him of what he lost, what he couldn’t hold onto. Her body was transparent and floated through the air. “I can’t even get rid of yours.”
“You’re here.” He whispered, he didn’t notice someone walking quietly from the corridor to his left.
“I’m here, love. I’m here.” And that smile that shined with a million stars never failed to make him smile, even through his tears. The smile he loved so dearly. But when he reached out to brush that strand of hair falling over her perfect face, his heart sank as he just phased through. “Oh, sweetheart. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”
“How? I lost the one who gave me color and I don’t know what to do.” He whispered not knowing he was breaking someone’s heart.
“But you do. Whether if I was still alive or a ghost or completely wiped from the fae of the Earth, I’m always with you, sweetheart. You aren’t alone and you never were.”
“But why now? Why weren’t you there to tell me how stupid I was? Why weren’t you there to tell me what to do when I lost the one thing I really had of you?” He begged her for answers. He couldn’t do this anymore.
“You need to learn to live without me, sweetheart.” She said her words like it was a truth she never wanted to tell him. “I knew for 8 months I wouldn’t have long to live, that I couldn’t grow old with you and watch you become the greatest magizoologist the world has ever known. But I was afraid. Afraid of the truth of the situation. But that last month, I regret my fear, my mistake of not telling you sooner. I learned that it would’ve been better to know and live then let negatively rule my life. If I was there, you would’ve never branched out. You would’ve never parted from my side and shut you in. I couldn’t let you do that.” The chill running through his hair reminded him of the night he lost her, the last time he saw her sweet smile. “And now look at you, writing a magnificent book, running around the world learning about something you love, and a wonderful women to support you when I couldn’t. You’ve grown so much in ways I can’t help but be proud of.”
“And what of you? The life you couldn’t live?”
“You’re living it for me, aren’t you?” And then he realized just how much weight he kept on his heart. “Because you’re happy, I’m happy. Because you live, I live.” Somehow even after death, she knew how to brush his worries and distress away. “I loved you and I still do and honestly I don’t think I’ll stop. But you aren’t limited. You are more than those years we had and I’m so proud of what you became. Don’t ever forget that.”
“I–I miss you.” He confessed, the woman hiding to the side finally understanding his reluctance. His heart was always on someone not miles away but a whole life away. Someone who he couldn’t follow.
“I miss you too, sweetheart. But remember I love you.”
It sounded like the first ending and he felt his light heart clench with fear. “Please, don’t leave me again.”
“I know, love. But I finally got to see how you grew.”
“Please.”
“You’ll be fine, sweetheart. She’ll take care of you. Everything will be fine and maybe one day we’ll see each other again.” He watched with tears and devastation as he loses his love once again.
“Newt?”
“She was my first love, the one who taught me what love was. I–my heart–she had terminal cancer and no one could fix her and I lost her. And now I lost her again.”
“But she still is with you no matter what. Whether it is in your heart or memories, she is still here with you.” And for once, he believed he could be better. That he could take that first step to creating his own colors.
